i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
