So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
