I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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