You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just tell him i said nine months
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
