Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
