I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
