My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize