sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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