his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
