Cold hands, warm shart.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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