Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
