I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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