just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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