remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
