The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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