I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
