You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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