the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize