Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
