So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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