Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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