I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
