She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize