thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
