Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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