This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
