Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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