I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
