Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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