3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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