I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
