mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
