the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
