I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
