i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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