Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
