im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
