Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
