So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
