He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
