shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
