Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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