Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
