Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
