Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize