I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
