is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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