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It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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