i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
