so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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