she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
