it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
