Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
