If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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