ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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