Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
