If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
