You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
