what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
