My hand turned me down
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
