I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
