can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
