Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
