If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
