I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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