The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Randomize
