His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
