i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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