can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
