I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
